Not Great News

CONTENT WARNING: Health news accompanied by some really bad jokes and probably some cussing. I’ve tried to put the funny bits in parentheses and am asterisking the cuss words in case you’re not into that or you think a pastor shouldn’t cuss and want to skip over those parts.

On Sunday, I told my congregation that I need to step away from my work and step into a time of focusing on care for myself as I face surgery for newly diagnosed breast cancer. 

There. I said it. Well, not exactly. Let me try it this way: I have breast cancer. F***.

Many of my friends know that my family has significant history with breast cancer with my mom and three of my four sisters having a cancer diagnosis. (And yet, all genetic testing comes back negative. HAH! That’s the last time I’ll donate two vials of blood… OK… No it isn’t…)

The possibility of my own positive diagnosis has been looming for more than 6 years and in some ways, this feels like a relief. NO JOKE. The probability is no longer hanging over my head and that feels… I don’t know… like hope. The truth is, I am much better facing adverse conditions than I am waiting for something to happen.

There is good news in the midst of this not good news. First – the cancer is stage 1, ER/PR+, her2neu – . The surgeon described it this way: “The cells are pretty disorganized and still believe they are normal breast cells. They’re just wandering around in the dark wondering what to do.” This is both hilarious and GREAT NEWS!! It means surgery and subsequent treatment plan should as much as 90% full recovery with no recurrence.

The oncologist concurs. (Thank God because I didn’t want to have them arm wrestle to find out which one is correct!) Second, I have the amazing privilege of being part of the PCUSA’s benefits plan which will cover the lion’s share of the costs. Many people don’t have this available to them. (Insert plug for donating to your favorite breast clinic to support uninsured neighbors). Finally, I feel surrounded by the love of my congregation and my friends and my family and my husband, Peter, and Molly the Dog. I feel sure I can get through this (without commiting murder because someone tells me to sit down and rest). 

My plan begins with surgery for a double mastectomy on November 20. As my surgeon said: “We’re burning these body parts so they can’t hurt anyone ever again!” (Isn’t she wonderfully fierce? Even for a 15 year old…) This will require me to take medical leave for 3-4 weeks. (NB: I will suck at taking leave, except perhaps taking leave of my senses). This will be followed by 5 years of taking daily aromatase inhibitors to put the estrogen completely out of business in my body (with the attendant increase in menopause symptoms – YAY…). Unless something emerges in the surgery, the doctors expect that there will not be a need for chemotherapy or radiation. Huzzah!!

As a generally healthy person, I have come to take for granted my overall health. I have to admit, this has taken the wind out of my sails a bit (especially the part where I can’t lift a turkey out of the oven 3 days after surgery AND probably can’t wield a rolling pin for the usual Christmas bakestravaganza). Knowing me (as I do) (and as many of you also do), I also recognize that my biggest difficulty will not be facing the surgery and treatment plan. I expect that what will be hardest thing for me to do will be to step away from my responsibilities to focus on myself. For this… for all of it really… I submit myself to God who will probably kick my a** as necessary and I ask for your prayers – for me, for Peter, for my church, for all of it.

If you want, you can follow the journey here. Thank you for reading.